There’s a moment in every leader’s career when the pressure is on, time is short, and the temptation to shut down debate with a firm “because I said so” feels justified. It’s fast. It’s decisive. It’s clear.
But it’s also a leadership shortcut that costs more than it saves.
In today’s workplace—where psychological safety, autonomy, and purpose are not just buzzwords but strategic imperatives—this old-school command-and-control approach is increasingly out of step. And if you’re a senior manager in the ACTPS or any modern organisation, it’s worth asking: Is my leadership style helping people thrive, or just keeping them quiet?
Let’s unpack why “because I said so” is problematic—and when, in rare cases, it might actually be the right call.
The Hidden Costs of Command-and-Control
At first glance, directive leadership can look efficient. Decisions get made. Action follows. But beneath the surface, it often breeds disengagement, resistance, and a culture of compliance rather than commitment.
Here’s what’s really happening when leaders default to “because I said so”:
- Trust erodes. People feel dismissed, not heard. Over time, they stop bringing ideas—or concerns.
- Motivation drops. Without understanding the “why,” employees lose connection to the purpose behind their work.
- Innovation stalls. Fear of questioning authority kills curiosity and creativity.
- Turnover rises. Talented people want to contribute, not just comply. When they can’t, they leave.
As Marshall Goldsmith famously said, “What got you here won’t get you there.” The leadership behaviours that may have worked in a hierarchical, rules-based environment don’t translate well to today’s complex, adaptive systems.
The Power of Transparency and Empathy
Brené Brown, in her work on vulnerability and leadership, reminds us that “clear is kind.” When leaders take the time to explain decisions, share context, and invite dialogue, they’re not being soft—they’re being strategic.
Transparency builds trust. Empathy builds connection. Together, they create the conditions for high performance.
This doesn’t mean every decision needs a committee. But it does mean that even tough calls benefit from a moment of explanation: “Here’s what we’re doing, and here’s why.”
From Telling to Asking: A Better Way Forward
Michael Bungay Stanier, author of The Coaching Habit, encourages leaders to “stay curious a little longer.” His approach is deceptively simple: ask more questions, give less advice.
For senior managers, this shift—from telling to asking—can be transformative. It invites ownership, surfaces insight, and strengthens capability across the team.
Try these instead of “because I said so”:
- “What’s your take on this?”
- “Here’s the context—what would you do?”
- “What concerns do you have about this direction?”
These questions don’t slow things down. They speed up alignment, reduce rework, and build a culture where people feel safe to speak up.
Is “Because I Said So” Ever Appropriate?
Yes—but only in very specific circumstances. Used sparingly and with intention, it can serve a purpose when clarity, speed, and authority are paramount.
Here are a few examples where it might be justified:
1. Crisis or Emergency Situations
In high-stakes scenarios—such as safety incidents, security breaches, or urgent operational failures—leaders may need to act decisively without time for discussion.
Example: During a bushfire evacuation, a team leader instructs staff to leave immediately. There’s no time to explain the rationale or debate options.
2. Legal or Compliance Requirements
Sometimes decisions are bound by legislation, policy, or regulatory obligations. While it’s ideal to explain the context, there may be times when the leader must enforce a directive that isn’t negotiable.
Example: A senior manager enforces a mandatory reporting protocol due to a legal requirement—even if the team disagrees with the timing or method.
3. When Boundaries Are Being Tested
If a team member repeatedly challenges decisions in a way that undermines authority or disrupts team cohesion, a firm stance may be necessary to reinforce boundaries.
Example: A leader might say, “This decision stands. I’m happy to discuss it later, but for now, we’re moving forward.”
4. To Protect Psychological Safety
Sometimes “because I said so” is used to shut down harmful behaviour—such as bullying, discrimination, or unsafe practices—where debate would legitimise the issue.
Example: A leader intervenes in a meeting and says, “That comment is not acceptable. We’re moving on.”
Even so… Context Matters
Even in these cases, the phrase should be used with care. It’s not a substitute for thoughtful leadership—it’s a tool for specific moments. And ideally, it’s followed up with a debrief or explanation once the immediate pressure has passed.
As Brené Brown would say, “Clarity is kindness.” So even when you need to be firm, you can still be respectful and transparent.
Better Framing: Authority with Empathy
Instead of defaulting to “because I said so,” consider these alternatives that preserve authority and build trust:
- “This is a non-negotiable due to X. I’ll explain more when we have time.”
- “I need us to act quickly now. Let’s unpack it together afterwards.”
- “I understand this is frustrating. Here’s what I can share right now.”
These approaches maintain control while signalling respect and openness.
What You Can Do Today
If you’re reflecting on your own leadership style, here are three practical steps to move away from “because I said so”:
- Audit your language. Notice when you default to directive statements. Ask: Could I explain more? Could I ask instead of tell?
- Share your thinking. Even a brief explanation—“We’re doing this because it aligns with X priority”—can shift the tone.
- Invite dialogue. Make it safe for people to ask questions, challenge respectfully, and offer alternatives.
Final Thought
Leadership isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about creating the conditions where others can contribute their best thinking. “Because I said so” might feel like control—but it’s actually a loss of influence.
As Brené Brown puts it, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change.” And in leadership, vulnerability often starts with saying: “Here’s why I made this call—and I’m open to your thoughts.”
That’s not weakness. That’s wisdom.
Let’s chat. Reach out to The Workplace Coach today and explore how coaching can elevate your own leadership style and help you be even more influential and effective in your role.
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