It’s a growing trend in modern workplaces: a manager delivers performance feedback, sets expectations, or redirects behaviour—only to receive a complaint that the communication made the employee feel “unsafe,” “disrespected,” or “psychologically harmed.”
The manager is baffled. The message was clear, professional, and aligned with policy. It was, by all accounts, reasonable management action taken in a reasonable way. So what’s going on?
Let’s explore what’s driving this shift and how senior leaders can respond with clarity, empathy, and confidence.
Psychological Safety in the Age of Perception
Psychological safety used to mean freedom from bullying, harassment, and retaliation. Today, it’s increasingly interpreted through a personal lens: “Did this interaction make me feel good?” rather than “Was this interaction fair and appropriate?”
This evolution reflects a positive cultural shift—one that values emotional wellbeing and mental health. But it also introduces complexity. When subjective feelings collide with objective standards, leaders must walk a fine line between compassion and accountability.
Why “Reasonable” Isn’t Always Comfortable
Let’s be clear: discomfort is not the same as harm.
Performance conversations, behavioural redirection, and accountability measures are inherently uncomfortable at times. That doesn’t make them inappropriate. In fact, avoiding discomfort can lead to stagnation, confusion, and underperformance.
The challenge is that some employees now equate discomfort with psychological unsafety. And while their feelings are valid, they don’t always reflect a breach of policy or leadership failure.
Senior Leader Playbook
When these complaints from employees about their managers land on your desk, here’s how to respond with both integrity and empathy:
1. Validate Without Conceding
Start by acknowledging the employee’s experience:
“Thank you for raising this. I’m sorry to hear the conversation left you feeling uncomfortable. That wasn’t the intention, and I appreciate you sharing your perspective.”
This builds trust without undermining the manager’s authority or intent.
2. Review the Communication Objectively
Ask yourself:
- Was the message respectful, proportionate, and aligned with policy?
- Was it delivered in a timely, private, and professional manner?
- Was it consistent with how similar matters are handled?
If yes, you’re likely dealing with a perception issue—not a procedural one.
3. Coach Both Sides
Use the moment to build capability:
- For the employee: Help them understand the role of feedback in professional growth. Encourage resilience and emotional regulation.
- For the manager: Reinforce the importance of tone, timing, and empathy—even when the message is tough.
This dual coaching approach strengthens your culture and reduces future friction.
Culture Check: Are We Overcorrecting?
If these complaints are becoming more frequent, it may be time to ask: Are we overcorrecting in the name of safety?
A culture that equates discomfort with danger can become risk-averse, feedback-phobic, and ultimately unproductive. Senior leaders must reinforce that psychological safety doesn’t mean avoiding hard conversations—it means having them with respect, clarity, and care.
Practical Tips for Leaders
Here are a few strategies to embed into your leadership practice:
- Normalize feedback: Make it a regular, expected part of working life—not a rare event.
- Train for tone: Equip managers with language that is firm but fair, direct but respectful.
- Set expectations early: Let employees know that accountability is part of the culture—and that respectful challenge is not a threat.
- Document well: Ensure all communications are recorded clearly and professionally. This protects both parties and provides clarity if concerns arise.
Final Thought: Leadership in the Grey Zone
As senior leaders, we operate in the grey zone where policy meets perception, and where fairness must coexist with feeling.
Our job isn’t to eliminate discomfort. It’s to ensure that discomfort is purposeful, respectful, and in service of growth. That’s not easy but it’s where real leadership lives.
Let’s chat. Reach out to The Workplace Coach today and explore how coaching can elevate your leadership and help you create an environment where people thrive.
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