The Workplace Coach

According to Greek mythology, Narcissus dies by a pool gazing at his own reflection that he falls in love with. He has no concern about anything around him nor does he eat or sleep. He takes his last dying breath by himself and dies by the image that he will never have but so badly desires.

Your colleague probably won’t meet the same sad end but it is possible that they will exhibit some of the narcissistic behaviours described below. Let’s take a look at what the narcissus in your team might look like, and then how we might strategically manage our interactions with this person so that it doesn’t do our head in.

Traits of a Narcissistic Coworker:

• Excessive Self-Importance: Narcissistic coworkers have an inflated sense of self-importance and believe they are superior to others. They constantly seek recognition and admiration for their achievements, often exaggerating their accomplishments.
• Lack of Empathy: They have difficulty empathizing with the needs and feelings of others. They are primarily focused on their own needs and desires, disregarding the impact of their actions on those around them.
• Constant Need for Validation: Narcissistic coworkers constantly seek validation and attention from others. They crave admiration and praise, and may go to great lengths to ensure they are the center of attention.
• Exploitative Behavior: They have a tendency to exploit others to further their own goals. They may manipulate or use colleagues for personal gain, without considering the negative consequences it may have on others.
• Sense of Entitlement: Narcissistic coworkers often have an exaggerated sense of entitlement. They believe they deserve special treatment and privileges, and may become frustrated or angry when their expectations are not met.
• Lack of Accountability: They rarely take responsibility for their mistakes or failures. Instead, they may shift blame onto others or make excuses to protect their self-image.
• Boundary Violations: Narcissistic coworkers have a tendency to disregard personal boundaries. They may invade personal space, interrupt conversations, or overstep professional boundaries without considering the impact on others.
• Competitive Nature: They are highly competitive and may engage in unhealthy competition with colleagues. They strive to be the best and may undermine or sabotage others to maintain their perceived superiority.
• Fragile Self-Esteem: Despite their outward confidence, narcissistic coworkers often have fragile self-esteem. They may become defensive or aggressive when their abilities or achievements are questioned, as it threatens their self-image.
• Lack of Genuine Relationships: They struggle to maintain genuine and meaningful relationships with coworkers. Their interactions are often transactional, driven by their own self-interest rather than genuine connection.

Dealing with narcissistic colleagues can be challenging and draining. Their self-centered behavior and constant need for validation can create a toxic work environment.

However, with the right strategies and a healthy mindset, you can navigate this situation and maintain your sanity. Below we explore practical tips on how to deal with narcissistic colleagues, along with some examples to illustrate the strategies in action.

1. Set Boundaries:
   One of the most effective ways to deal with narcissistic colleagues is to establish clear boundaries. Set limits on how much you are willing to engage with their self-centered behavior. This means not allowing them to manipulate or take advantage of you. Make it clear that you expect respect and professionalism in all interactions.

Example: Let’s say you have a colleague, Lisa, who constantly interrupts your conversations and turns them into discussions about herself. The next time she interrupts, politely but firmly say, “Lisa, I appreciate your perspective, but I would like to finish my point first. I’d be happy to discuss your thoughts afterward.” By setting this boundary, you are asserting your right to be heard and ensuring that the conversation remains balanced.

2. Focus on Empathy:
   While it may be tempting to become frustrated or angry with narcissistic colleagues, practicing empathy can be a powerful tool. Remember that their behavior often stems from deep-seated insecurities and a need for validation. By understanding their perspective, you can approach interactions with a more compassionate mindset.

Example: Imagine working with a colleague, John, who constantly seeks attention and takes credit for others’ work. Instead of becoming resentful, try to understand that John’s behavior may be driven by a fear of failure or a desire to impress others. By empathizing with him, you can respond in a more constructive and supportive manner, helping to alleviate some of the tension in the work environment.

3. Document Incidents:
   When dealing with narcissistic colleagues, it is crucial to keep a record of any problematic incidents or interactions. This documentation will serve as evidence if you need to escalate the situation to higher management or HR. Include specific details such as dates, times, and descriptions of the behavior exhibited.

Example: Let’s say your colleague, Mark, consistently takes credit for your ideas during team meetings. Start keeping a log where you note each instance, including the date, time, and a brief description of what happened. This documentation will be valuable if you need to address the issue with your supervisor or HR department.

4. Seek Support:
   Dealing with narcissistic colleagues can be emotionally draining. It’s important to seek support from trusted coworkers, friends, or family members who can provide guidance and a listening ear. Discussing your experiences with others can help you gain perspective and explore potential solutions.

Example: Reach out to a coworker you trust and explain the situation with your narcissistic colleague. They may have dealt with a similar situation in the past and can offer advice based on their own experiences. Having someone to vent to and brainstorm solutions with can make the situation feel less overwhelming.

While dealing with narcissistic colleagues can be challenging, it is possible to navigate this situation with grace and professionalism. By setting boundaries, practicing empathy, documenting incidents, and seeking support, you can protect your well-being and maintain a positive work environment.

Remember, your office narcissist has probably been behaving this way for their whole career and it may have served them well in terms of advancement or promotion. They’re unlikely to change their behavior even when called on it, but you have the power to control how you respond to their behavior and maintain your own sanity, personal growth and success.

If you or someone you work with needs some help with any kind of workplace challenge or people dilemma, reach out to us at The Workplace Coach.