The Workplace Coach

The old mantra about people not leaving jobs but leaving bad managers or bad bosses has been around for a while but what does it really mean? The people leaving will tell you that their boss was ‘toxic’, or lacked people skills or has no idea how to manage people. They might also go on to list the bad behaviours the manager engaged in, which proves their point about the manager’s incompetence.

I’ve heard them all (and experienced a few). Managers yelling, speaking down to people, not being consultative enough, not being decisive enough, being too autocratic, micromanaging, shutting people down in team meetings, embarrassing people in front of their peers, threatening dismissal, taking credit for other people’s work…

The list of things that bad managers get up to is endless. Its almost like they wake up every morning and make a conscious decision to make someone’s life miserable today at work. I sometimes think my personal trainer does this too, sits around dreaming up new ways to make me suffer.

Let me assure that in the same way that most people don’t show up to work everyday thinking ‘I’m going to make sure I do a lousy job today’, most managers also do not show up looking to get their people offside with them. A dysfunctional team is neither productive nor healthy for anyone, including the boss.

I like to start with the assumption that both managers and employees, generally, want to be able to come to work and do a great job, get along well with each other, and succeed in their roles both as teams and as individuals. The key to that happening is going to rely, in part, on the good intent of both sides and the relationships between the parties.

Think about the last ‘bad boss’ you worked with, and objectively look at what went wrong there. It probably started off okay when you first started working together. It usually takes a little while before you realise your boss is a micromanager, or that they don’t give enough clarity around what is required, or that they fail to recognise your good work but always harp on about the smallest mistakes you might have made.

Now imagine how that relationship might have turned out differently if you had sat down with each other right at the beginning, and agreed how you would both like to work together. If you had talked about how you love to work, what lights you up, and the attributes that you look for in your manager. If the manager had been really clear about their expectations, how they like to communicate, and what they want to see from you in the workplace.

Now take it a step further and imagine if, having reached some agreement (a social contract) about how you are going to work together going forward, you had also agreed to check in regularly, to be honest if things aren’t working, to have the courage to speak up, and to uphold the safety in the relationship for either side to bring concerns or feedback to the table.

Borrowing from Simon Sinek’s Infinite Game theory, imagine if we all started treating work relationships as though they are going to be a long term proposition. We need to do the work at the beginning to set it up properly, and we need to put effort into maintaining it and growing it over time.

There is another fantastic book that I also want to recommend to you. If you haven’t read it yet then this a must for your personal leadership growth and development, How to Work with Almost Anyone by Michael Bungay Stanier. This book is about how to have the Keystone Conversation. Its about talking about the relationship first, and about the work second.

If you would like to explore your leadership style or if you have any workplace relationships that are keeping you awake at night, then reach out and let us help you get to a solution. Book your FREE introductory call here https://calendly.com/theworkplacecoach/introductory-call

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