The Workplace Coach

Michael is relatively new to your team.  He has come highly recommended, he did exceptionally well throughout the recruitment process, and in his first month has delivered some excellent work.  If his work to date is any indication, he is going to be a bit of a superstar.

You do have a couple of concerns though, not about his work but more about whether he is going to fit in with the team.  A couple of the people have remarked that he can be a bit stand offish sometimes.  When he is at his desk, he puts his headphones in and tends not to engage in the casual office chit chat that goes on.  You have noticed him arriving at work and have observed on more than one occasion that he ignores, or seems to not hear, the greetings from the other people in the team.   

You have also noticed that this aloofness on Michael’s part is having an impact on the rest of the team.  Most of them have stopped offering him a greeting when he comes in anymore, and they are quite obviously excluding him from office chit chat and invitations to coffee.  The work is still getting done but there is an atmosphere in the team that is not the relaxed but energised positive vibe that it used to be.

So what might you do about this?  You want to do something before it gets any worse.  This was a real scenario and here is what the manager did. 

The manager met one on one with Michael and laid out her observations, her concerns about his behaviours and the impact it was having on the team.  She asked him to be a bit more considerate and to make an effort to interact more with the team.  She stressed that it was important to her that the team all feel connected and able to work together effectively without any awkwardness. 

Sounds reasonable but this is where it really gets awkward… for the manager.

Michael became very, very distressed and extremely vocal.  It turns out that his brother-in-law has a terminal illness, and not long to live. For the past couple of months, Michael has been travelling out of town every weekend to help his sister care for her husband, to help take care of their kids, and start preparing for the inevitable.  Michael explained that if he seems preoccupied at times, or a little distant, its because he is dealing with some pretty heavy stuff right now.  He is constantly on the phone with his sister after work, he is constantly tired from all the stress, the travelling back and forth, the medical appointments, the funeral arrangements and so on. 

Michael said he personally was hardly coping with supporting his sister through this time, and he was unaware that his behaviour at work was the topic of conversation or concern.  He agreed that he might not be acting like his normal self at the moment but explained that he just wanted to focus on his work at work as an escape from his reality.  He apologised if his behaviour was making anyone uncomfortable but felt that it might be understandable given the circumstances.  He then pointed out that not once had anyone in the team, the manager included, asked him if there was anything going on with him or if was he okay.

Michael resigned on the spot.    

How could this have gone a different way?  If anyone in the team including the manager had simply asked “How are you? Is everything ok?” when they first observed the behaviours, rather than complaining to the manager or jumping straight to the remedial steps, then it could have turned out very differently. Michael may have been able to access the Employee Assistance Program for counselling.  At the very least he would have felt like somebody in the team cared enough to ask the question and then listen to what was bothering him.

There is a saying that reminds us that what we see at work is often just the tip of the iceberg.  “Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be Kind, always.”

It is okay to be the boss, just don’t forget to be human first.  

The Workplace Coach